To Build a Home

The title represents the song im currently listening to, nothing more really. Its just a really good song that fits my current mood. A mood that I can't quite put my finger on. Its like sadness, longing, happiness, and the feeling of being lost..all wrapped into one mood. Any who, i haven't written in along time, like 4 months or so, so i thought i should jot down whats going on in my head right now. Whats about to be written is most likely just random gibberish, but it means something to me.

I've been trying to fall asleep for the past 3 hours, seeing as how i have to wake up at 6 am to get ready for school. But I just can't stop my brain from thinking. Its just one of those nights were your thoughts keep you up at night. So i figured if I let them, i could finally find solace and drift off to sleep.

Hmm where to start? i guess whatever pops to mind first. I'm a tad freaked out cause im hearing a garage open and close, which concerns me due to the fact that its pretty much midnight.
There are a few people im currently think about, My ex Rachel, A friend of mine I met in grade 7 but don't know aswell as id like to. She can be referred to as Cool Beans, She's pretty darn inspirational if i do say so myself. Then there's this one person, I don't think she knows who i am, let alone my name. But for some reason shes on my mind tonight. Well technically this morning now.

In the last few weeks, ive seen so many happy couples. Be it my grand parents, my sister and her boyfriend, my mom and stepfather, My dad and his girlfriend, friends with their relationships, hell even random strangers. I gotta say though i miss it...more, and more every time i see it. i guess that's were the sense of longing comes from.

Ever since a certain event that happened this summer, my group of friends have seemed to have started to turn on each other. I'll admit i used to be apart of the talking behind people backs and all that jazz. It wasn't my proudest moment, nor one i liked. But sadly I partook in those events. Thankfully though, i have apologized to the people i may have hurt. I don't think I can make a post that doesn't involve how thankful i am of the way i was raised, but I truly am, and im ever so glad that that part of me kicked in when it did.

I've always had a self conscious issue, im sure alot of us have, but mine shuts me up due to how i think people are going to react to what i say, or what i do. I miss the simple days of kindergarten when you could just speak whatever was on your mind and there would be no judgment. But know a days, were judged by everything. Be it your clothes, choice of music, where you hangout, who you hangout with, what you do in your spare time, how you talk, how your voice sounds, etc. I could go on but whats the point, im sure you know what im talking about.

Well i think im finally off to bed, i think ive spilled everything in my head. Have a good night internet, or whoever may stumble across this and read it. By that time it may even be good morning to some. So Good day :)