Who do you live for?

Well, some may respond to this question with the cunning and oh so original answer, "myself" or "nobody". But if you really truly knew this person (maybe its even you) that answer could quite possibly just be a mask. When really these people could be living for their peers, family, trying to uphold an image that portrays no similarities to the artist. Its like a self portrait, but instead of drawing yourself you draw the person you wish you could be.

Now, Ive never really talked about my religious side. Partially because im worried on how some people may take it, how it will effect friendships and relationships, and because Ive never really let it be a big part of my life. Sure I consider myself a christian but do I really ever show it? on occasion with family but that's it. If someone were to ask me that question, Id love to be able to say "for God" but in reality id be held back and would just shrug off the question.

Any who, I'm off to bed.

To Build a Home

The title represents the song im currently listening to, nothing more really. Its just a really good song that fits my current mood. A mood that I can't quite put my finger on. Its like sadness, longing, happiness, and the feeling of being lost..all wrapped into one mood. Any who, i haven't written in along time, like 4 months or so, so i thought i should jot down whats going on in my head right now. Whats about to be written is most likely just random gibberish, but it means something to me.

I've been trying to fall asleep for the past 3 hours, seeing as how i have to wake up at 6 am to get ready for school. But I just can't stop my brain from thinking. Its just one of those nights were your thoughts keep you up at night. So i figured if I let them, i could finally find solace and drift off to sleep.

Hmm where to start? i guess whatever pops to mind first. I'm a tad freaked out cause im hearing a garage open and close, which concerns me due to the fact that its pretty much midnight.
There are a few people im currently think about, My ex Rachel, A friend of mine I met in grade 7 but don't know aswell as id like to. She can be referred to as Cool Beans, She's pretty darn inspirational if i do say so myself. Then there's this one person, I don't think she knows who i am, let alone my name. But for some reason shes on my mind tonight. Well technically this morning now.

In the last few weeks, ive seen so many happy couples. Be it my grand parents, my sister and her boyfriend, my mom and stepfather, My dad and his girlfriend, friends with their relationships, hell even random strangers. I gotta say though i miss it...more, and more every time i see it. i guess that's were the sense of longing comes from.

Ever since a certain event that happened this summer, my group of friends have seemed to have started to turn on each other. I'll admit i used to be apart of the talking behind people backs and all that jazz. It wasn't my proudest moment, nor one i liked. But sadly I partook in those events. Thankfully though, i have apologized to the people i may have hurt. I don't think I can make a post that doesn't involve how thankful i am of the way i was raised, but I truly am, and im ever so glad that that part of me kicked in when it did.

I've always had a self conscious issue, im sure alot of us have, but mine shuts me up due to how i think people are going to react to what i say, or what i do. I miss the simple days of kindergarten when you could just speak whatever was on your mind and there would be no judgment. But know a days, were judged by everything. Be it your clothes, choice of music, where you hangout, who you hangout with, what you do in your spare time, how you talk, how your voice sounds, etc. I could go on but whats the point, im sure you know what im talking about.

Well i think im finally off to bed, i think ive spilled everything in my head. Have a good night internet, or whoever may stumble across this and read it. By that time it may even be good morning to some. So Good day :)

As the final shiver fades.

Moments ago i finished a book series that has been with me since elementary school. This series (well series' since it was split in to two) has helped me through moments in my life, struggles, hard ships, the good times and the bad. These books brought so many emotions flooding in. Sadness, happiness, anger, pain, love, its even brought tears to my eyes on multiple occasions. I'm saddened to see the series finally end, but at the same time im so glad to finally get to the end of this epic journey that has spanned the last 6 years of my life. I feel as if these books have acted as a guideline for me, helping me along my life's path, aswell as my spiritual path with God. These books...no, these beautiful pieces of literature have inspired me, have helped me and have guided me in a way i have never thought possible. It will be hard to find a series as good as these, and im very excited to start reading Mr. Davis' new series. I will never forget the trials, the hardships and the fantastic memories the characters from dragons in our midst series and oracles of fire series have gone through and ive ventured through with them. Bryan Davis, you are a truly gifted author and i can't thank you enough for writing such amazing adventures.

I See a New Day Coming, Maybe Tommorow...

Well seeing as how i haven't written anything in the last while, i might aswell jot down my mind. theres not much on my mind, just a few thoughts that should be 'dissected' for lack of a better word. Start with the easy stuff shall I. Alyssa, i doubt you'll ever actually see this but words can't express how utterly proud I am of you. After all that's happened in life, you've still managed to be the best sister anyone could ever have. secondly, I don't think im ready.. Thirdly, I UTTERLY CANNOT WAIT TO MOVE :D its gunna be soooo nice to have a guest suite to myself :) and thankfully the kitchen is just down the stairs from my suite ;). But I still cant wait for the day i move out, it'll make or break me. I'm rather excited to see what life will be like on my own (well with Sean aswell) and how it'll all start to unfold. I have no idea how im gunna go about becoming a counselor after high school, but im thinking that i should give it just that extra bit of time so i can learn alot more about it and hopefully get some more life lessons so i can help youth through daily problems that i myself have been through. I can only hope that this "new day" is filled with a life of enjoyment, and happiness (which i know it won't always will be). As one of my favorite songs state "id rather die than live without mercy and love." (house of heroes - Code Name: Raven)

with fear as your world, and belief as your guide. Anything is possible..

A Question of humanity..

Well after ive stopped writing on zee other blog, ive decided i couldn't just give up writing what i feel. Ive had a pretty good week, had to tell people some harsh truths, but in the end I helped them out. Like how someone can twist words, and say false things just to get what they want. Or how people who claim to love us go out of their way to hurt us. Its ridiculous what the world has come to. But even though there are those people that both physically and mentally repulse us, theres still the odd good ones. The ones that you feel an instant connection to - you know who you are ;) - and there are people who will eventually grow on you and could possibly become a best friend, or something more for that matter.

As someone once told me "we are all unique, and its those who accept and display said uniqueness that enjoy life the most". These are the people you should stick with if your lucky enough to find one, and trust me your bound to stumble upon one sometime in your life (and who knows, you may literally stumble upon them).